the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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