I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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