i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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