What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
