My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
