He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
