when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
