accomplished twins. life is a go
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
