bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
