Cold hands, warm shart.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
