Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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