I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
