am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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