omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
