Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Alive.
So much puke
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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