Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
