Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
