If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
