it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize