two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
