I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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