I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
