The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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