She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
