just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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