Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The air was thick with penises
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
