Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
