I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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