So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize