I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
