Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
