Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
