he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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