Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
