coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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