he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Someone signed my nipple.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
