i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize