did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
