I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
