Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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