Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you had me at cake vodka
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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