i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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