You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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