found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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