she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I believe in your delicious
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
