He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
