did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize