right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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