drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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