We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
