this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
