I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize
