So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize