she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
