I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
