I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
