btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
