Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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