so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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