too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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