his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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