words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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