Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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