hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
